You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
