Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
