Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Operation Purity has been aborted
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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