More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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