if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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