I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
