Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
