well you can't waste a boner
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
