He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
