it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
