i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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