We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
