We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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