Your dad touched me again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
