i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
