are you still at the devil's house?
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
