The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
