My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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