I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
