Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
