Soap is not a condiment
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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