I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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