i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
