i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
