My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
