I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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