Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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