my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
