You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
