answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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