I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
