If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think your dad took our porno
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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