Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
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