I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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