Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
there's paper in my vomit.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
