The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
two words: eviction party
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
