can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
