I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
