i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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