If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
