I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
