maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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