I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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