Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
