2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
