she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
