I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
