So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
