before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
