All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
