listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
