the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
