I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
