Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
