My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
