Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
