I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
