oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
